


Marvel Filks

by Dannell Lites Archivist (offpanel_archivist)



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-11-25
Updated: 2000-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 09:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offpanel_archivist/pseuds/Dannell%20Lites%20Archivist
Summary: Howdy Ya'll:):) And Welcome to the mother of all Filk Pages! Ah love filk, don't ya'll?? Now, Sugah, Ah can't sing a note or play worth a damn, but Ah can write these litle puppies at a furious pace!! WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER! Parody ahead! Ya'll *have* been warned! Take shelter immediately, Sugah! *snarf* Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is archived on behalf of Dannell Lites, who passed away in 2002, with the permission of her family. Posting date approximate.

**  
**

Hello!

OR

Magnus Song For HYDRA

By Dannell Lites

To The Tune Of: "Remember Us?" by Leslie Fish

Hello. 

Remember me?

The one you left behind

When half of my people died

Ah yes, you were so kind

Oh, you lords of hate so sly

Who piled the bodies high

Remember how you spat on me

And left me there to die?

Chorus: 

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello. 

Remember me?

No doubt you shed a tear

When you cast me into hell

And left me dying there

Now aren't you pleased to see me?

For I am still alive

Or did you hope to make a world

Where I could not survive?

Hello. 

Remember me?

I *do* remember you

See how safe my world was

And what you forced me to?

And when the dead were buried

The bodies cleared away

I set myself to hunt for you

And waited for this day ...

Hello. 

Remember me?

It seems I'm hard to kill

Thought more than half were slaughtered

Yes, I'm still living still

And if now I do not fear you

Why should you find it strange?

I've power now to smite you

Bring on all your iron chains

Hello. 

Remember me?

I swear that this is true

Whatever world remains to me

It will not go to you

I know what dreams you've harbored

Come kiss them all goodbye

Come up and claim your New Reich now

Come out, stand up and die!

Chorus: 

Hello! Hello! Hello!

The End 


	2. Chapter 2

The Acolytes Song  
By: Dannell (Exodus) Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Song Of The Men's Side" By Rudyard Kipling

  
Once we feared the flats - when they struck at us we ran,

Ran very fast though we knew  
It was not right they should master us;  
But what could we oppressed ones do?  
The flats only sneered at our fears damn their ears -  
Grinned at our struggles and our blows;  
But now we will hunt them while they cower with our Power -  
And this is our Savior Mag-net-o!  
Room for his shadow on the grass - let it pass!

To left and right - stand clear!  
Cheer as they tremble in his shade - be afraid!  
This is the Lord Magnus!  
He fought hard until all his dreams were dust,

For he knew it was not right  
(And it is not right) that the flats should master us;  
So he went to the Masters of All Might  
To trade for great pow'r, his to take for our sake  
When he reached for the Pow'r they said:  
'The price of the pow'r that we dole is your soul!'  
And that was the price he paid.  
Tell it in the Tunnels of the Dead - run ahead!

Shout it 'til The Morlocks all can hear!  
Bask in the safety of his shade - not afraid!  
This is the Lord Magnus!  
Our women and our little ones may kneel on the Steel,

But not to the cursed flats be-low.  
We shall not be anxious for our meat when we sleep  
Protect us Lord Mag-net-o.  
We can meet with both of our hands hanging free, fearlessly,  
We can smile after love in the sun;  
For now all of the flat-scans stand aghast at His wrath,  
Friends Of Humanity run!  
Shadows of Genosha all will fade (in his shade!),  
See all the battle's he's won!  
Then:

Room for his shadow on the grass - let it pass!

To left and right - stand clear!  
Cheer as they tremble in his shade - be afraid!  
This is the Lord Magnus!  
The End


	3. Chapter 3

National Mutanthood Week  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "National Brotherhood Week" by Tom Lehrer

Oh, the flatscans hate the gene jokes

And the gene jokes hate the flatscans  
To hate all but the right folks  
Is an old established plan  
But during National Mutanthood Week

National Mutanthood Week  
Graydon Creed and Magneto are dancing cheek to cheek  
It's fun to terrorize  
The people you despise  
As long as you don't let'em on your Team!  
Oh, the X-Folks hate the Bro'hood

And the Bro'hood hate the X-Folks  
All the Acolytes hate the humans  
It's Genoshian as apple pie!  
But during National Mutanthood Week

National Mutanthood Week  
Marauders loves the Morlocks 'cause it's very chic  
Step up and bite the hand  
Of someone you can't stand,  
You can tolerate them if you try!  
Oh, the FoH hate the mutants

And the mutant hate the FoH  
And Sinister loves the Summers  
And everybody hates Cable  
But during National Mutanthood Week

National Mutanthood Week  
National 'Everyone Kill Off One Anotherhood Week'  
Be nice to H. Saps who  
Are inferior to you  
It's only for a week so have no fear!  
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!  
The End!


	4. Chapter 4

Sinister Advice  
Or  
The Marauder's Theme  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Supercalifragilisitic"

Pillage, rape and loot then burn

But all in moderation!  
If you do the things I say  
Then we'll soon rule the nations!  
Kill you foes and enemies  
And then kill their relation!  
Pillage, rape and loot, then burn  
But all in moderation!  
The End!


	5. Chapter 5

Wolverine's Rag  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "The Irish Washerwoman"

My uniform's yellow, my humor is black

Some say best feature is my lack of tact  
I'm not regulation. I do what I can.  
I'm a pain in the ass of the standard X-Man!  
I'm a bestial killer, I love a good fight!  
When I cut loose scrappin' it's no pretty sight  
I will honor a contract and stand by a friend ...  
But right about there is where my manners end!  
Now within the X-Mansion, I'm calm and polite

It's always considered ill manner to fight  
For an argument started must come to an end  
It's a hell of waste of your loved ones and friends!  
My murderous rages have won me my fame  
And my enemies cringe at the sound of my name  
It isn't the battle, it isn't my might  
It's the way that I smile going into a fight!  
If you cross Wolverine there's not much to tell

Just be sure to say, "Hi!" to the others in Hell  
He'll strike in the time that it takes you to scoff  
The next thing you know is, your head's comin' off  
If you cross the ol' Canuk you're sure to regret it  
What ever your plan is he's bound to upset it  
There two types of warning you'll get when he's hot  
One when he's smiling and one when he's not!


	6. Chapter 6

Magda, Aletys And Belle  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of" "Alma" by Tom Lehrer

The sexiest guy in the X-Books

Was Magnus the smartest as well  
Once you spy that most magnetic of looks  
You'll never be free of his spell!  
His lovers were many and varied

From the day he began his beguine  
There were three favored ones where he tarried  
And God knows how many between!  
Oh, Magnus, tell us!

Poor Charlie Xavier is jealous  
Which of you're magnetic spells  
Got you Magda, Aletys and Belle?  
The one whom he married was Magda

Who always would just call him Eric  
And each time he saw her he's cry, "Ja!  
Ach, that is the frualien I'll marrik!"  
There marriage, however, was murder

He cried to the heavens aloft  
"I'm saving Anya so they won't hurt'er!"  
And she only wants to run off!"  
Oh, Magnus tell us!

Poor X-Man Gambit is jealous  
Why couldn't his Cajun brogue  
Bag him, Magda, Aletys or Rogue?  
("Hey chere! Remy he got de accent, too!")  
While working for spies he met Isabelle

And soon he was hunting for Nazi's  
Belle died and his teardrops sad to tell  
GHe cried all the way to his new squeeze!  
But work with Control was a headache

And really quite painful just then  
He said, "I think I've made a big mis-take  
It's time that I switched sides again!" (... and again, and again ...)  
Magnus, tell us!

Poor Wolverine he is jealous  
Which of your magnetic charms  
Set off so many female alarms?  
While drowning at sea he met Lee, yet!

And she too soon felt his caress  
She bedded him but she had re--grets  
'Cause Magnus was not Scottie S!  
And that is the love life of Magnus (So far!)

Who knows how capture what he would  
He's searching around for a new crush ...  
And By The Eternal, Jean's looking good!  
Magnus tell us!

How can they help being jealous?  
Good guys just envy the spell  
That got Magda and Rougie  
You gorgeous ol' fogie  
Oh, Magda, Aletys and Belle!

The End!


	7. Chapter 7

Little Boy Lost  
OR  
Gambit's Song  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Little Girl Lost" by Kris Kristofferson

See the little boy lost: walking through this world alone

He ain't looking for a lover, he's just looking for a home  
But, if you want any sympathy then look to someone else

Cause he's not true to anyone, not even to himself  
He'll have sixteen different versions of the truth or so you'll find  
While he's hiding all his pain down on the black side of his mind  
With that body he'll let anybody hold, but the devil's got his soul  
But if you take him, take him easy

Treat him gentle, he used to love me  
See the little boy lost, pleading silently for help

Knowing no one understands him, he don't understand himself  
He'll feed your hungry ego til you think you're quite a man

But you better count your fingers when he turns loose of your hand  
Cause you're just a game he's playing any way that he can win  
And you ain't about to touch him any deeper than his skin  
Oh, that body anybody can control, but the devil's got his soul  
But if you take him, take him easy

Treat him gentle, he used to love me

The End


	8. Chapter 8

Lee  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Beth" by Kiss

Lee, I hear you calling

But I can't come home right now  
My students neglect their training  
And this I cannot allow  
Just a few more hours

And I'll be right there with you  
I think I hear them calling  
Oh Lee, what can I do?  
Lee, what can I do?  
I know you feel abadoned

That a job can't keep you warm  
And I'm always somehere else  
And all you can do is mourn  
Just a few more hours

And I'll be right there with you  
I think I hear them calling  
Oh, Lee what can I do?  
Lee, I know you're lonely

I love you with all my might  
But my students I will be training  
All night ...

The End


	9. Chapter 9

WHATEVER BECAME OF JOSEPH

By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Whatever Became Of Hubert?" by Tom Lehrer

Whatever became of Joseph?

Has anyone heard a thing?  
Oh, for glory he longed  
Now his memory's gone  
So now he'll never be King  
Once a fiery passionate spirit

But now when he fights he must clear it  
Second rate is a hard role to play  
When they won't even allow you to slay!  
We must protest this treatment, Joseph

Says each comic book reader!  
As he once said to Professor X:  
"Charles, you are our leader!"  
Whatever became of you Joseph?

We miss you so tell us please  
Yes, you're buff! Are you tough?  
Haven't you had enough  
Of being treated like sleaze?  
Does Joseph, recalling when he was Magnus

Say, "This cannot be just; after Rogue I do lust!"  
Do you dream about staging a coup?  
Oh, Joseph what happened to you?

The End!


	10. Chapter 10

BE AN X-MAN!  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Be A Dentist!"

Scott: When I was younger, just a sad little kid

My Daddy noticed funny things I did  
Like shouting orders at my teddy bear  
I'd lecture teddy to show that I care  
And I'd really stress over the color red  
That's when my Daddy said:  
X-Babies: What did he say??

Scott: He said, "My boy, I think someday

You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay  
You'll be an X-Man!  
You have a talent for suffering pain!  
It will pay you to shoulder the blame!  
Your temperament's wrong for The FF

Avenging would suit you still less  
Be an X-Man!  
You'll be a success!  
X-Women: Here he is, girls -- the first X-Man

Watch him de-cry his fate!  
Oh my God! He's an X-Man!  
And he'll always wallow in angst!  
Now who wants their life saved by angsting mutie scum?  
Scott: Ouch! That hurts! Where is my son(s0?

Oh, help me!  
Brooding's no fun!  
I am an X-Man! I am bemoaning!  
And great God how I loathe the career that I've picked!

I get off on the pain I self inflict  
When I start with pity  
By God, there's no quitting!  
X-Man!  
And thought it causes me so much distress  
Somewhere!  
Somewhere in space up above  
I know!  
I know that my Daddy's proud of me .. Oh, Daddy!  
'Cause I am an X-Man and a success!  
Say, "Bye!"  
Now, cry!  
The End!


	11. Chapter 11

Rogue  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Zuleika"

Oh, Rogue she was fair to see

A young southern belle was she!  
She fought with villains  
Where all men were willin'  
But none were so willin' as she!  
Now Xavier was very cold

With X-Teams, The Blue and The Gold  
He kept her locked in  
Away from all sin -  
But X-Men are very bold!  
From her heart she sent prayers above

And whenever she longed for love  
Where no one could see she kept a small key  
Which she threw out again and again!  
Where no one could see she kept a small key  
Which she threw out again and again!  
The first time she threw out the key

It fell by the spreading oak tree  
She sighed and she sighed as the door opened wide  
And in walked her lover Remy  
She sighed and she sighed and the door opened wide  
And in walked her lover Remy!  
Now, soon she was feeling quite be-reft

The key she threw off to the left  
She sighed and she sighed and the door opened wide  
And in walked her lover Joseph  
She sighed and she sighed and the door opened wide  
And in walked her lover Joseph!  
Sye tossed out the key with no fuss

Exspecting her lover Magnus  
She sighed and she cried and she sighed once again  
And in walked all of the X-Men  
She sighed and she sighed and she sighed once again  
And in awalked all of the X-Men!  
Oh, Cyclops their leader bowed low

Requesting her wishes to know  
The most of you stay, our Rogueie did say  
But the Morlocks and X-Babes must go  
The most of you stay, our Rougeie did say  
But the Morlock and X-Babes must go!

The End!


	12. Chapter 12

Betsy's Song  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Just A Close Walk With Thee"

Just a lovers's tryst with thee

Grant it Scottie is my plea!  
Dailey making love to thee  
Dear Scott, let it be!  
Dear Scott, let ti be!  
Thou art stacked and oh so strong!

Pecs and abs to praise in song  
Kwannon's horney and I long  
To tryst with thee, Dear Scott  
To tryst with thee!

The End!


	13. Chapter 13

LEADFINGERS LITES  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "The Boxer" by Simon And Garfunkel

Oh, I am Leadfingers Lites  
And my story's seldom told!  
Yes, I massacre filk music  
With three feet of fretted shitboard and a capo!  
I take requests!  
And I do the ones with just two chords and disregard the rest!  
CHORUS

Lie, lie, lie! ETC!!  
Asking free beer and expenses I go looking for a gig

But I get no offers!  
Just a come on from Gambit  
Down at the Hideaway!  
I do declare  
There were times when I was so desperate  
I stole some lyrics there!  
CHORUS

Lay, lay, lay! ETC!!  
Now, I am just a scribbler

And my friends all say to me  
I have squandered my resources  
On my songs so filled with laughter  
Such are Parodies!  
All lies in jest  
The X-Books are my inspiration  
Yes, Magnus and the rest!  
CHORUS

Hey, hey, hey! ETC!

The End!


	14. Chapter 14

I Am Called The Lord Magnus  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "The Invalids"

Oh, I been blessed with mutant genes; great power I've been dealt

And whether on or off the field , my presence will be felt!  
One warning I would give to flats, please listen when I say:  
Unless you also wield great power, best not get in my way!  
CHORUS

For I am called the Lord Magnus  
My power's very strong  
And while my steel controls the field  
Then I can do no wrong!  
My ranks are filled with Acolytes, the rest are flatscan fodder

And as social graces, well, I seldom have to bother!  
For in my coming Mutant Age, I'm royaty not servant  
And if your powers strong enough who needs to be observant?  
PEPEAT CHORUS

I'm proud of being murderous, the body counts alarming!

But when your will's as great as mine, why bother being charming?  
If nations dare to criticise, well then they don't last long  
I conquer them with dreadful ease and show the world they're wrong!  
REPEAT CHORUS

If some raises in the field to challenge my control

He doesn't bother me at all however brave or bold!  
This hero will not remain a threat, I'm not afraid of him  
For I will just change sides again then I'll be one of them!

The End


	15. Chapter 15

King Magneto Lullaby  
OR  
The Unilateral Force Rag  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: The MFL Lullaby by Tom Lehrer

Sleep, Magnus sleep, in peace may you slumber,

No danger lurks your sleep to emcumber  
You've got the power, peace will be bloomin'  
But most of the fingers on the button will be human!  
Why shouldn't you stop nuclear warheads?

Charlie says no but he's just a sorehead  
He says a bygone should be a bygone  
Let's make peace the way we did in Auschwitz, was that so wrong?  
Once all the Russian were bigots and mean

But that couldn't happen again  
You taught them a lesson with their submarine  
And they've hardly bothered you since then  
So, sleep well, good Magnus, the sandman can linger

What if the X-Men may give you the finger?  
Heil - hail - the SS, I mean the FoH!  
Hail to your loyal Cortez!  
All your might  
Will scare Creed, right?  
I hope he is half as scared as I!

The End!


	16. Chapter 16

Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be X-Men  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys" by Willie Nelson

X-Men ain't easy to kill and they're harder to fight!

So, they'd rather smite you than admit you're right!  
Gold X belt buckles and power out the yin-yang  
And each night begins a new fray  
The world don't understand him so he may go bad  
He'll probably die anyway!  
Chorus:

Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be X-Men!  
Don't let'em fight Onslaught and and be sitting ducks  
Make'em be doctors and lawyers and such!  
Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be X-Men!  
'Cause they'll always be different and all paranoid  
Even with heroes they trust!  
X-Men like getting the bad guys and Danger Room work outs

Big busted Ladies and cold beer and wrongs they can right  
Them that don;t know them won't trust them and them that do  
Sometimes will still try to take them  
They ain't bad they're just mutants and so misunderstood  
By the humans for whom they fight!  
Chorus:

Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be X-Men!  
Don't let'em fight Magnus and beat people up  
Make'em be doctors and lawyers and such Mama's don't let you babies grow up to be X-Men!  
'Cause they'll always be different and misunderstood  
Even by humans they trust!

The End!


	17. Chapter 17

Gambit's Song In Antartica  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Plastic Jesus"

In dese chill Antacrtic breezes

Here I sit while ny ass freezes  
In the vastness of dis continent!  
I think I have caused de ruckus  
I don't know 'bout all de fuss is  
One little kiss and I will relent  
CHORUS 1

Rogue, oh ma cher  
Rogue, oh ma cher  
Slogging through de snowy, frozen sleet  
Oh, Rogue she must have said, "Who'll blame me?  
In fact it's just a shame he  
Can't be made to suffer from Hell's heat!"  
Well, it's one bald homme and one southern lady

Jumpin' up and down and raisin' Hades  
Knowin' all de secrets of my past!  
De final thing dat knocked off dere socks  
Hey, it must have been de Morlocks!>/center> Dey thought dat enough to abandon me!  
LAST CHORUS

Rogue, oh ma cher  
Rogue, oh ma cher!  
Years and friend may come and go  
(May come aned go ...)  
One trick Gambit he always favor is  
Making sure his friends and neigbors is  
Distinguished by t'ings dat dey don' know!

The End


	18. Chapter 18

Hello Mister Claremont  
By: Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Hello Mrs. Durkin"

Oh, X-Men was a comic made famous for its writing!

With characterization, with artwork John Bryne!  
The fans all showed devotion with scathing hot emotion  
The best thing of tham all was about Magnus we did learn  
CHORUS:

Well it's, hello Mr. Claremont  
Your X-Men tales they did want  
They needed to be human, they needed to be sane  
Oh Logan he is crazy; Kitty she is phasey  
They'll always be Uncanny, that's how they got their name!  
Well Cyclops was the first one; for some os us the worst one

He quickly lead the X-Men; adventures the did share!  
He trained to be fighters with reflexes like lightning  
So in the process why can't he show them how much he cares?  
REPEAT CHORUS

Now Phoenix she had style; the first one in the Saga

She was practically human, the fans liked her a lot!  
So lady-like in manner, but a demon when in battle  
She was a hero's hero ... so, of course, you had her shot!  
REPEAT CHORUS

Well, Claremont can just move over, because I'm taking over!

My ire is growing larger and I've only just begun!  
I've taken as my mission a kind of social fisson  
To show the X-Men one and all that fighting can be fun!

The End!


	19. Chapter 19

The X-Men  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: Rosin The Bow

Well, some people say that we're villains

We're muties with powers galore!  
But we've found a new life here with Xavier ...  
And, by Ghod, we never are bored!  
CHORUS  
Avengers they say that we're heroes!  
X-Force and Excaliber, too!  
But most people just call us Uncanny;  
A crusading, heroic crew!  
We never did care much for talking,

Hard training is not for this crew!  
Just light a fire under their asses, and -  
The enemy will come to you!  
REPEAT CHORUS!

The End!


	20. Chapter 20

Xavier's X-Men!  
By Dannell Lites  
To The Tune Of: "Armour Hot Dog Jingle"

X-Men! Xavier's X-Men!

What kind of guys are Xavier's X-Men?  
Cajuns, Morlocks;  
Guys with six foot wings,  
Accountants, scientists  
One eyed guys who angst and blast things!  
It's a new trend, they're all X-Men!  
They're all so Uncanny!

The End!


	21. Chapter 21

X-Dino's Lament  
Dannell Lites

To The Tune Of: "Banned From Argo" by Leslie Fish

 

I picked up the latest X-Book, in need of my x-fix, So I set out investigating every strange new kick, I had high expectations of their readability, But found it wasn't geared for dino's such as me...

(Chorus:)  
And they've canned the X-Men, every one,  
Canned the X-Men; the Movieverse has won,  
I spent a jolly childhood with them there, with mutants I adore,  
Now the X-Men do not want me anymore!

Oh, Xavier's Dream is simple but his methods are complex,  
We found him with five Summers, each from a different time and next,  
Onslaught, he was coming, we did not dare to miss,  
Well, we saved him, then, thank all the gods, but now comes Evil Sis!

(Chorus)

Our proper, cool Field Leader, he fell in battle keen,  
Absorbed by Apocalypse, where he suffered things obscene.  
We rescued him at last, and now he's none the worse for wear,  
Except that now he's somehow taught Cerebro how to swear.

(Chorus)

Our Beast he is a changin' so, he's now bulky and feline;  
They say he is still mutating and so hope that we won't mind.  
We tried to keep our tempers but, it's something to wince at,  
We want the Real McCoy back and not this phony Vincent!!

(Chorus)

What have they done to Lady Jean, our psychic maiden so fair?  
She's left her dearest hubby and is really on a great tear.  
She has become an awful witch, but Scott he does not care,  
And so Logan beats his time; believe it if you dare!

(Chorus)

Now, Magnus he is dead and gone, at least that is my guess;  
At long last he is at peace and away from all this mess.  
He's no longer mad and raving, no longer out of whack,  
But, Oh My Dear God, what's this? Oh no! They've brought him back!

(Chorus)

Oh, Gambit loves humanity, his private life is quiet;  
He got himself arrested for inciting whores to riot.  
We found him in the city jail, piled in and set him free  
, Intact except for hickeys, and six kinds of V.D!

(Chorus)

Oh Colossus, he is dead but, well, no one seems to care,  
And so I have to ask myself, now, just how can that be fair?  
So, now he's gone and sacrificed himself for the greater good,  
They left him there, without their care; they did not do what they  
should!

(Chorus)

Nightcrawler, he's become a priest; now, at least that what we hear;  
He struggled with his soul and then, then, he put aside his fear,  
Oh, he is with us still despite all of Xavier's tears  
Someone should have told the writers - such training, it takes years!  
(Chorus) Our Wolverine, he yields to none at putting down the brew,  
He out drank most of Madripoor and all the Avengers, too,  
But, Logan he has changed a lot, now he's taller and more mean,  
His honor is long gone, lost with a reborn letch for Jean!  
(deja vu!)

(Chorus)

Oh, we are Marvel's finest, but our writing skills have died,  
And when we plot we tend to leave big holes a mile wide.  
We're sorry 'bout the wreckage and the changes and the fuss;  
At least we know the X-Men won't be quick forgetting us!

(Chorus:)  
And we've banned the X-Men, every one,  
Banned the X-Men; the Movieverse has won,  
You spent a jolly childhood with them there, with mutants you adore,  
Now the X-Men do not want you anymore!

(I wonder why...)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contest winning Essay on Magnus' Costume!

Best Costume: Magneto!  
Comic: The X-Men  
Reason Why It's The Best:  
Magneto's costume, like the Master of Magnetism himself, has many layers. One the surface, it is a very pleasing color combination of red and royal purple, tight fitting and flattering to his superb figure:):)

And since, according to Claremont, it's made up of metallic fibers, it certainly suits and even flaunts his vast power. Magneto intends to be intimidating and the costume certainly lends itself to that purpose with the sinister, concealing helmet, et al. But the helmet is also VERY reminescent of the helm of a Spartan hoplite ... *fierce* warriors who were rarely bested in combat! The flowing cape both lends an air of great dignity, gravity and even granduer to the ensemble.

This is a rather nifty link with his name, actually! "Magnus". In Latin Magnus means, "Great One" and the cape certainly reinforces that image! Again, like the cape of a Spartan warrior it is red. Spartan hoplites wore red so that their enemies would never be favored with the sight of Spartan blood. Just so with Magneto:):)

The royal purple of the costume (a color worn only by Kings in the ancient world by virtue of the scarcity of the dye needed to produce it) once again, alludes strongly to the name. Red, of course, is also the color of blood ... and Magneto's past, as a survivor of the Holocaust, is drenched in blood. The blood red is a very visible and startling representation of his mission: NEVER AGAIN! While he wears that costume he will never forget his mission. He won't let himself. And, at one and the same time, it is a stark reminder of the blood he himself has spilled in his quest to protect mutant kind! He's not likely to forget that either. It is a perfect, encompassing symbol of the yin/yang that is Magneto.

And that's why I think Magneto has the best costume in the MU:):)

Dannell!


End file.
